Pick a facebook status

‎"My moma always said, that life is a box of chocolates..." I think I went and grabbed a heart shaped one.

I get 140 new characters per tweet. I can never be character less.

When someone says they love you and the minute yous brake up they say they don`t that means they were either lying when they said it or they`re lying now

When a package says "Easy Open" I end up using scissors, a knife, a gun and a lightsaber..

Some people need a high five In the face With a chair!!!

Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over you Facebook?

The awkward moment when your checking your self out in a cars window and you realize theirs someone in there

Removing the datacard and continuously pressing refresh
"WTF, why the internet ain`t working?"

There is at least one Chinese member in a family and the only people in my family is john, Kate, Victor, Chris, and Mao Ching su but I think its chris

"Dude, she just called you a pothead!"
"Oh, HELL NO! Hold my blunt!"