Pick a facebook status

My wife left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn`t even matter.

Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don`t care, but because they don`t.

2 reasons why I`m fat:
1) I eat when I`m bored
2) I`m always bored

I’d say about 60% of the stories I tell go unfinished bc either someone cuts me off or I stop talking bc I realize that no one`s listening

my brain has too many tabs open

“what’s your favorite position in bed?” near the wall so I can use my phone while it’s charging

If you can`t handle my worst you ain`t getting my best

Sometimes you`ve got to shut up, swallow your pride and accept that you’re wrong. It’s not giving up. It’s called growing up.

Me: *messages a friend at 3am*
Friend: *responds soon after*
Me: What the fuck are you doing up go to sleep

Pay no attention to those who talk behind your back. It simply means you are two steps ahead.