funny facebook statuses

when we were all small getting hit in the butt meant we were naughty ... as an adult getting hit in the butt means you want to get naughty

I ask my girlfriend what would she like to eat and she replied with " FIVE GUY "

Keep your secrets to yourself,your best friend has another bestfriend

Stay up late. Regret it in the morning. Repeat.

I really miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like bitch whatever.

You`re just like math. I hate math.

Lazy Rule: If it falls under the bed, it`s gone. Forever.

Kicking the ice under the fridge just because you`re too lazy to pick it up.

When you go buy "seedless" watermelon and it turns out to have seeds. This shit is the reason why I have trust issues man.

Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.