funny facebook statuses

If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me I was handsome, I would have exactly 1 dollar... Thanks mom...

That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon

When I`m depressed I cut myself...a piece of cake!

Stalking crush on Facebook: Accidentally likes status from 2008 Step 1: Delete Facebook. Step 2: Set computer on fire. Step 3: Move state.

You are really fat..." "It runs in the family" ... "Nobody runs in your family...

"I`m ugly" ... You spelled "Attention seeking bitch" wrong

million dollar idea
GLOW IN THE DARK TOILET PAPER

You don`t know something? Google it. You don`t know someone? Facebook it. You don`t find something? MOM!

Trying to complete tasks before the microwave hits 00:00 like your life depends on it.

I like when my neighbours fruit tree branches have bent on our home.