funny facebook statuses

Has anyone else experienced waking up in the middle of the night thirsty as hell, and water tastes like it came from God`s personal pond?

Bras: Because no woman wants to look like those National Geographic chicks.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dogs they are adopted?

That wave of relief when you accidentally post a tweet as a FB status and you somehow didn`t mention blowjobs or dead hookers.

Saturday!!! There you are you sexy son of a bitch! We`ve been looking for you since Monday!

We all have things that we want to keep to ourselves!

one mosquito that always disturb you while you falling to sleep :p

Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bitches, walk around thinking they`re the shit.

So weird, some guy just gave me half of a peace sign. LIKE IF YOU GOT IT :)

"WHO`S THAT SEXY BEAST?!" Oh, I clicked on my profile again.