funny facebook statuses

Me in 4th grade: Wow swearing is so bad I won`t ever swear! Me now: Pass the motherfuckin salt you bitch.

That awkward moment when you`ve just logged in to your facebook account and your mum comes in and sits with you so you`re just like: (._.) (`-` ) ( ._.) (`-`) (o_o)

In my spare time, I go to the park and chase people around with a pair of underwear screaming "WAIT TIL I GET THESE HANES ON YOU"

I fucking hate people who curse for no fucking reason.

MY DEFINITION OF A CLEAN ROOM: A clear path from the door to my bed..

NASA is saying that later on today the sky will get very dark and the day will end. They are calling this... night time.

Kicking the ice under the fridge just because you`re too lazy to pick it up.

Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?

Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know

Everybody hates Crocs but the company is worth over $2 billion? Some of you motherfuckers are lying.