funny facebook statuses

when boys get jealous there so cute....but when girls get jealous it`s a world war!!!!

i was at McDonald`s today and a man throw a happy meal at me and said I`m loving it the next day i ran him over and said nationwide is on your side. J/K LOL

I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.

We`ve all got that folder on our computer called "stuff".

I`m sorry. did my back hurt your knife?

Everyones middle name should be, motherfuckin...try it. Doesn`t it sound so great?

If you`re born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a `Bang.`

*Missed a call* *Calls back* *No answer* What, did you die within 3 seconds ?

Dear women who do duckfaces, stop it. Sincerely, you look ugly

How in the hell do Chinese people see when they`re high?