funny facebook statuses

Some people sing in the shower. I perform concerts in the shower.

never judge the book by its cover

I don`t have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination(:

that moment of panic when your mom leaves you alone in the store line and you think "OMG what if she doesn`t come in time and they ask me to pay?!

the awkward moment,when your taking an ice cube suddenly it fall...you just kick in below the referigertor

says - By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!

got pulled over for speeding today. I asked Are you selling me a ticket to the policeman`s ball? Officer said "Policemen don`t have balls". they let me go.

Advice of the Day! -"Always wash your hands after handling money. You don`t know what part of a stripper or lawyer it may have touched."

One of my friend Suggested me to keep FrEnCh.... Apparently i realized after a week he refereed to language..:X

when a cashier asks you if this is everything for you and you just wanna say, No I also want all this invisible shit in front of me.