funny facebook statuses

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

Paper cut: A tree’s one glorious moment of revenge.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That`s the ugliest baby that I`ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I`ll hold your monkey for you."

Facebook Timeline: Made stalking easier

Lately i`ve been hearing how Chuck Norris is all that, but he`s nothing. If he was, he`d slam my face into the keyjhurpftevfhajsdbv

2 hrs movie, 40 seconds sex scene.... Guess which yhur parents walks in¥¥

To whoever thought buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans would be a good idea: Don`t you think if I had wanted popcorn for a snack I would have eaten that instead?!

Me: What does "IDK" mean?
Friend: I don`t know.
Me: OMG NO ONE KNOWS.

This is a "A" and "B" conversation so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"s you up like a "G".

Look Left---------> You Fail ,this is right