funny facebook statuses

Sometimes when you don`t have anything funny you can just say funny!

"I wasn`t that drunk"
Dude,you thought your wife was a stalker.

The more and more people i meet, the more i like my dog.

"if u have inner peace, no one can touch you" ;)

Everytime my school soccer team plays a game, I wish them good luck and say, "Go kick Some Balls!"

A good friend helps you when you need, a smart friend asks you for help.

After being married for 30 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her and said, "You`re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.... ummmm ...I, J, K."
She asks "What does that mean darling?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said. "Oh, that`s so lovely... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I`m Just Kidding!"

D.R.A.M.A = Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention.

That awkward moment when you ask if a woman is pregnant and she get offended.

You have the right to remain silent anything you say will be misquoted and used against you...