funny facebook statuses

When you try to pick something up with your feet/toes beacuse your too lazy to bend down and pick it up with your hands.

I saw a sign today that read: Tiredness kills, take a break.
So I pulled over and went to sleep.
When I woke up I felt great and was ready to drive again.
I was 5 hours late for work though.

LIKE IF: you make a loud noise in class laugh for 1 second. figure out nobody else is laugh and look around like.... what was that?

Teacher: "Did you do it?"
Kid: "No" (Kid Laughs)
Teacher: "Then why are you laughing?"
Kid: "Because, whoever did it is a freaking genius!"

Life’s a game, play it; Life is a challenge, meet it; Life is an opportunity, capture it.

I hate it when you think of a clever comeback AFTER the conversation is over.

When we are little we make our dad check for monsters in the closet, when we are adults we make our spouses check for Chuck Norris

honestly i rather someone tell me the truth then pretend!

Relationships Come With 1 Girl, 1 Boy , 1 Hoe Trying To Get The Boy .. 1 Nigga Trying To Get That Girl ; 1 Ex Trying To Ruin The Relationship And That One Friend Who Dont Like Who You` re Dating...

Here is my cup of care... \_/ ohh, look, its empty.