funny facebook statuses

Me: Hey babe what you wanna do for our date next weekend?
Girlfriend: Ummmmm....idk you think of something...
Me: God Damn women I asked you first!!

It `s all lie. . . . "The made in china" stickers are actually made in mexico . O_O

you think you can flirt with girls . right ... remember one day your sister will be the victim of some other boys. enjoy that time

Getting my morning started....*yawns*

It takes a couple seconds to say hello, but forever to say goodbye ♥ .

That awkward moment when the light in the bathroom is open and you click the switch thinking it was off.

People say that love is in every corner……Maybe I’m moving in circles!

DAD joined FACEBOOK
Dad : hi son
son : WTF
Dad asked Son What is WTF?
Son : WTF means WELCOME TO FACEBOOK" daddy ^_^

I get 140 new characters per tweet. I can never be character less.

When a package says "Easy Open" I end up using scissors, a knife, a gun and a lightsaber..