funny facebook statuses

I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I`ve been hurt but I`m alive. I`m human, I`m not perfect but I`m thankful.

"I wasn`t that drunk". Dude, you were walking around naked trying to put your phone in your pocket.

if you`re brave enough to say good bye,life will reward you with a new hello.

When should I tell my cat she is adopted?

prank call : "Hello, dominos?" ... "Yes, how may I help you?" ... "What`s the number to call Pizza Hut?" ;)

There is someı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨ting on your screen!!!

if Im not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer ;D

There Are Only Two Reasons If A Girl Looks Ar You
She Likes you ...
or..
She is Farting slowly ...! lmao

i have a serious sickness called LAZY SICKNESS :D

‎5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they`re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. :D