funny facebook statuses

police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!
me: not with that attitude

HD porn is so clear you can see the absence of her father in her life.

In a war everyone think they are
right. In the end they all die.

If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine`s Day, I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl`s drink.

Some times the person you would take a bullet for would be the one behind the gun </3

Boy: "Granny, have you seen my pills? They`re marked LSD"....
Granny: "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

Well aren`t you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"

In relationship, sometimes Try to stay far from him/her if you wanted to keep relation strong.

I`m not mean. I`m just above being nice to stupid people.