Pick a facebook status

he`ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you`ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him with no response

If you keep having to figure out where you stand with someone, maybe it`s time to start walking instead.

911 should be able to accept text messages so you can hide in a closet and not talk on the phone.

Condom spelled backwards is modnoc which doesn`t mean anything so i don`t wear them.

girls know, they fucking know. even if they didn`t they`d still know. guys probably won`t get this tweet but girls will bc they know.

me: i just did 5 squats why am i still fat

No matter how "busy" a person`s day may be. If they "really care", they`ll always find time for you.

Don`t talk to me bout Valentines day.At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass.#Joan Rivers

Bacon is bacon,eggs is eggs,don`t let them boys between ya legs.They`ll say ya cute,they`ll say ya fine. But 9 months later they`ll say.It ain`t mine.

Like if Yellow pages book have yellow pages.